Monday, September 28, 2009
Is this what you really want?
Is it really essential for you now and future?
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
-Norman Vincent Peale
Only if I got the prerogative to change you..
I know I've been nagging you to go school etc.. seriously it's for your own life good. You wanna survive with working salaries under your expectancy in future? Next year probably is your last year of school le. Right now I can't really focus much on you due to my upcoming N's. I'm so sorry, I'm working hard for my future wise. Maple is a game that ruins people's life. What's the point of playing and playing? Besides having high level which you might be proud in? Probably there's some reason you're in there. I used to be maple freak too. Spending approximately 4~5k sgd on @-Cash? Har! Sit back and think broadly, I think I am way too stupid. Seriously I regretted investing so much money and time in there. I can use it in many other useful ways. Skipping school, went Cyber Cafe for 12hours daily? Maple will be down one day I'm sure. Whenever I thought of my future, I told myself that I won't be so blissful to live that long. If really dead end I would have choose to suicide. Too naive le ~__~ I was hesitating whether should I drop school or not. When I first requested for drop-out application form, many teachers spoken to me. It's really touches my heart whereby I realised I'm not isolated and I'm sure I have plenty of things to learn in future. Well, I'm not saying as if I'm perfectionist now. Obstacles do happen around our daily life and I believes that's where we needa grow. Really grateful that I chosen to study. Eventually up till this year 2009, right after June holidays. I finally woke up from my lala land. I buck up my studies and chiong le. Really struggling hard. Don't wish you to be like me.. Cutting nails only please? Just cut it and go school tomorrow can? You've already changed tremendously le. Don't give up kay, success is just right beside you to grab it. You may think I'm gabbling now ultimately you're the one who can only who what type of life you want it to be. Living happily and with what you want or living with limited stuff. It's not too late if you made an effort to change. Slowly but surely, definitely you can make it. Just a year more to go! Used this to encourage myself last time. IMPOSSIBLE = IM-POSSIBLE
Hope you can reconsider.. sigh,
Am I really important to you?
I'm such a nuisance..
I sincerely apologise to you. T.T
I've been abominable jerk..
At times I'm serious because your words mean to me a lot.
I can't sense any feeling from you le..
Are we drifting apart already? sigh,
6:48:00 PM
Friday, September 25, 2009
Am I suppose to continue? T~T
Sometimes I'm thinking what's my motive, what's my ambition? What can I be, in 10years down the road? I was oblivious of what to do now. Hmmm, really really shag today.. Early in the morning, first period of lesson got mathematics. Sudden test ); I can't concentrate probably I was trying to escape from Discipline teacher ba. I was late today but I ran away ~__~ That's not gonna be my reason just wanna hide from reality.. sigh, Went in class, put bag and do test paper. Thought I've been studying past few days should be no problem but in the end don't know how to do. Brain couldn't function well.. Ponder those questions till headache. Am I really that useless? Really unbelievable that's not my ability seriously.. I've done lotsa revision on Science and Mathematics thought it would help. However seems like it's in vain.. I'm just confident enough initially but when I start to do test papers. I know I didn't do well.. Gotten back results which is below my expectations and I realised those questions I did before de.. It makes me feel gloomy and demoralised.. Really gonna break down le feel like giving up now ); Was holding up my tears when teacher go through the corrections. In such plight of time, I'm fragile.. Not setting high aim for myself le ba and doubt I will do well on N's so no much different anyway. Really lost my motivations towards studies le.. T~T Whenever I wana study, I'll feel somnolent.. Hopeless le la sigh, Glad that next Saturday, my friend gonna ask me out to study whee~ ^^ I promise myself from today till the end of N level and I urge myself to fulfil it. Pardon me for that.. sorry~
- Sleep before 11pm
- No sms in class
- Study at least 2hours excluding school hours
13days count down to the end of school~ Jiayous Dexter! );
2:23:00 PM
Sunday, September 20, 2009
LIFE SUCK BIG TIME!
What's life? Living happily like fairytales? Sad ending like how dramas plot? It may be simple but it's sophisticated..
I'm obfuscated now and it's inexplicable.. Urge myself to feign on a smile to contradict my emotions. I'm certain that I doing it on purpose.. seriously I have no idea what to do.. I failed to gain your trust. I affirm my feelings and I believes it's gonna be everlasting.. I've been pondering am I right to step into your life but.. I assure you that I had NEVER regret it. Actually there's nothing much I've expect of, despite I'm scare of getting myself hurt? Frankly speaking, I really really hope this may be the last time.. I don't wanna hurt you, I don't wanna lose you but why am I having burdens of fears.. Skeptical between us? I hope not.. Don't know why these days, my words mislead my intention toward others.. Probably I'm too stupid to react ba. sigh, I believes and sure that every obstacles we went through. There will be an explanation behind any circumstances. I'm more than willing to clarify it.. I'm dread to do anything now.. Tomorrow gonna pay tuition fee, I remind dad to withdraw money beforehand le. But now seems like he's gonna give sorts of reason.. Just right after I have ask for the sum of money, he directly say "why don't I work and pay up some burdens of his?" I know it's hard for you dad.. But now I'm having N level and you're asking to get a job to share my daily expenses etc? Maybe I should put myself in his shoes' and think ba however he should spare a thought for me ah.. There's just approximately 10days of schooling till N level, after which I'm gonna have a long break.. I didn't touch my assessment books and tons of homework today.. Probably I got no motivation again.. Woke up early today, wanted to teach one of my friend Mathematics but in the end he overslept.. I've been waiting since 10am? Didn't blame him cause he said he has mistaken the time slot he had given to me so.. ye.. forget it. I am willing to help if I've the ability. Well, tomorrow's plan is planned pretty good le. Needa wake up early for tuition tomorrow.. Daily routine daily routine~ sigh, yearning to take a day break.. Torments of work and headache is causing me DEATH!
11:26:00 PM
Friday, September 18, 2009
"Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit"
-Napolean Hill
Went home straight right after school, decided to study.. Frankly speaking, past few days I've been slacking too much. I don't have any sense of determine and motive to study.. Urge myself to study, at least for 3hours today. By right I should be having tuition on the afternoon however tutor is busy due to some reason so changed the time till night. Thought I can study awhile, refresh my mind before tuition.. Studied till 7pm+ tutor called me ask whether is it alright to change it till tomorrow morning instead. Bet she's tired so let her rest at home. Text someone and friends about it. Just wanna let them know. But I received back in disappointment.. Read first few words, my heart was already aching.. Feeling really down really lugubrious.. Ya I know I'm always sleepy, I know I did push away tuition once but this time really not I purposely push away.. Thought I will be encourage to persevere on etc.. I was enervated by those words. I'm waiting for their apologise but no one actually apologise. Haha I think too much le. Stop being naive dexter.. I shall motivate myself then, Dexter continue to work hard, don't give up so easily especially at this time. Jiayous! ;D Be strong smilee~~~
-Loves Dexter, Labels: Disappointment....
8:41:00 PM
Monday, September 14, 2009
Today really really feeling tedious! Slept at 3am+ last night.. Thought today got paper so I plan my schedule pretty nice already. Tend to reach school at 7.40am cause paper starts at 8am and ends at 10am. After that I can go home take a nap till noon and continue with my personal stuff. Went in classroom, just rest my butt on the chair. Was ask to go hall for a 'Road safety talk' ~_________________~? Stupefied for a moment! Huh? Not having exam meh? O.O! Took out my entry proof and double check.. Kanasai! But I remember that time teacher said it's on the following Monday after the holiday.. Cheh! Just brought a pencilbox thats all ._. Listen to 2principals and 3teachers gabble! Almost doze off =='' Totally meaningless please talk so much but people still insist on doing. Whats the outcome? = waste time only ;x Thought we kids ah?! Kao! Lessons as usual. Hmmm~ uber hungry ); I go cook maggie mee^^ This few days kept cooking maggie mee x.x Lazy go out buy .__. Needa read up a little later on. I shall end here. Nights my peers!-Loves Dexter,
2:52:00 PM
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Nothing much to post today so I'll post about yesterday instead. I was hopping for a breakthrough but it seems to be difficult. I tried extremely hard to change.. Been struggling for years.. Thursday till now I realised I've improved.. I failed once but I kept telling myself that I'm given a second chance. I know and believe God will forsake me for my mistake but I really don't like what I'm doing right now. I pray hard, planning activities to cover me up ultimately I just couldn't resist my temptation.. During ESS, while worshipping God. At this point of time, I came to realised that only God's strength will be able to clear my thoughts and burden. Razed in tears, really wanna thank God for that neverending love. Last but not least, you're my irreplaceable God.. I don't care what people think of Christian but you're great and thats all I really concerns of. Without God, friends motivates me prolly I'm still at cyber LAN now? Or maybe somewhere down the street loitering.. Times flies fast.. it just left with 27days till school ends. Whoa~ whenever I recollect back what I've been done during these pass few years.. I really regretted for neglecting studies at the earlier stage.. But whats the point? Despite being a playful naive student.. 'Having self-discipline and determination is essential but we needs faith of confidence to conquer one's fear' This sentence motivates me a lot. Right after ESS, went to Center Point for dinner then went to study at SMU. Hardworking hor? XD haha bhb-ing. ;x These few days CG have lotsa problems. But now kinda settled so.. peace^^ Spoken a lot to a church sister about those problems. Sorta like involves us. Just clarify with each other etc to prevent any misunderstanding. I believes this is God's plan. It brings each other a stronger bonds. Its courage me a lot. Tomorrow still got paper.. I shall stop here. Nights my peers.
-Loves Dexter,
11:12:00 PM
Monday, September 7, 2009
Hello,Nothing much today ;D Shall update more if I got time. I shall end here, seeya peeps. Nights.-Loves Dexter,
7:07:00 PM
Sunday, September 6, 2009
"In times of difficulties, we must not lose sight of our achievement"
-Mao Tse-Tung
Hello,1 more days count down to N level.. whee~ Studied for approximately 5hours? O.O Kept practising my prelim science. Completed my chinese homework too. Set myself daily tasks, MUST be fulfilled at the end of the day. It's essential especially during exam periods. But amazingly, I can't find any study pal x.x Polly they are studying without any obstacles ba.. sigh,..I shall blog about yesterday ba. Clock strokes at 10am, urged myself to go wash up and prepare stuffs for tuition. Tuition starts at 10.30 but Joycelyn(tuition teacher) didn't manage to wake up on time. Due to some reasons. Postponed to 12.15pm. My tummy was abominable this two days ~.~ Diarrhea 12times le ._. Feeling fatigue.. Went to Joycelyn's house to take sachets of medicine x.x Smsed sis, asked what time am I suppose to meet them for church etc.. While waiting for reply, lye on my cozy bed till dozed off ._. Overslept D; Uber tired and having headaches.. Didn't go church.. ): sian diao. Sorry God.. Tonight gonna sleep early le. Hope tomorrow won't be late! Plot my bedtime at 9.30pm :D awww~ tummy pain again T~T God aniont me, give me fast healing.. Give me your wisdom, knowledge and understanding :D Thanks x3I shall end here, seeya peers. Nights.-Loves Dexter,
5:44:00 PM
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Truthful words are not beautiful;
beautiful words are not truthful.
Good words are not persuasive;
persuasive words are not good.
-Lao Tzu
Hello,2 more days count down to N level le. Today is the last day of English lesson. I was stupefied by my teacher. He actually typed out a short testimony of encouragement for each and everyone in our class. His lesson is partly the reason I come to school for. Though it's lugubrious but it's memorable day. I won't let you down ;D Jiayous!~ Dear Mr Rajesh,I devoutly wish you to take good care of your health, even though you not longer teaching us but we're your neverending students, friendship and children. Lastly, thanks for your enjoyable lessons and knowledge. x3 -With loves,Dexter Goh Liang En (Your student)Woots! Eventually I've gotten back my Science Prelim paper.. Score 56/100 for it. It's a tremendous improvement compared to Mid-Year Examination which scored 32/100 ._. but thats wasn't what I expected for ); I'm aiming for at least a grade 2? x.x Ultimately I've pass my science ever since after secondary 1.. Firstly I wanna thanks God for being there for me! x3 Hoping there's someone who wanna study with me outside. Couldn't concentrate at home. Uber noisy =.= Anyone anyone? But MUST study de hor. If trying to be funny ones, please don't waste my time.. Let me know asap! );-Loves Dexter,
6:12:00 AM
Friday, September 4, 2009
Man is the product of his thoughts.
What he thinks, he becomes.
-Mahatma Gandhi
Hello,
3 more days to N level le ); Mentally prepared le. Gotten back english essay today ;D I score 34/40 for it ^^ whee~ Dexter Jiayous!
Hey pb, guess you are too free to tag around people's blog with insensible knowledge ba. Well, if you find me in anyway which make you feel discordant. Just feel free to come to me. Stop being coward over there. Not coward? Why don't reveal your real identity? No guts to say infront of me? Using vulgarities at my tagboard? Wanna find fault? Hey FYI uh, if you don't know a situation well, jolly-well shut your mouth. Immensely an imbecile trying to draft something? Say it directly to me then. You ain't trying to enlighten me by saying 'I thought church people should be love and care each other etc..? Really don't understand what are you trying to say. Did I mention anything you think I was saying my english is good? Did I said anything in which you think I'm trying to be 'kelian'? Sorts of rubbish please don't spout on me. You're disgusting and emphasizing how pathetic you are only. Wanna be keyboard heroism but your words are out of context! Asking me to grow up? I'm old enough I think. Or you meant by maturity? Guess my maturity is much much more sensible than yours. Stop being naive like as if you're doing for goodness sake. You don't worth my time alright. Stop your frivolous acts please. Wanna see how you react? Who actually started it initially? sigh,
8:38:00 AM
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Hello, Pissed off early in the morning. Science Prelim paper still haven't got back.. Not even the marks of it. Science teacher do come today but went home after assembly which is my class period.. =.= Previous days after Prelim had ended, we asked her whether is the paper is ready to give out? She said she got no time to mark. Till now? So busy? Whoa!~ Other subjects already went through corrections le.. Well, if tomorrow she's still gonna delay don't blame me being untoward. If can't be bothered to teach then why bother coming to school? So weak? Stay at home rest till you R.I.P then ._. Since secondary 1~2 I thought other science teacher won't be able to teach well. But secondary 3~4 also same. =.= Current teacher and former teacher is totally the same please. Thought you might be better. Nah you're not. Seems like our class gonna depends on ourselves le. Depends on teacher to pass? Guess it's opposite. 4more days count down to N level. Kinda scare.. sigh, having violent headache uber badly.. Trying not to consume medicine often but couldn't help.. yearning for relief of stress T~T God aniont me please ); I need wisdom. Well, my favourite english teacher wants us to promise to stay at home for this 4 days to revise. Take it as teachers' day present. We promised him. I will do my very best to perform well to show him. Frankly speaking, he really did a great job.. Thanks. Though you're fierce and sometimes your words maybe too harsh but we know you're doing for our sake uh. Anyway thanks x3 ehh.. is it too mushy? =xx
Alright, need go for CG le x.x End school at 3.15, tuition at 3.30~5.30, CG at 6.30~9
Faint! x.x
I shall end here. Seeya peeps, nights~
-Loves Dexter,
5:53:00 PM
D E X T E R
