` Contradicting is a way to be persistent =] ..

Friday, October 30, 2009

Hey yo! I'm back, kinda lazy to update my blog nowadays. These recent weeks, skeptical seems to protrude somehow. Basically I'm untrustworthy now or maybe you prefer to inhibit by your own. Not sure though however it's rather sorrow. Rumination runs wild deep in my heart. Frankly, I realised there's tremendous changes in us. Well, in anyway you find it comfortable to voice out I'm here for you at your pace. One more month counting down to the end of my work. Hang in time-sheet today and I'm gonna get my pay on Friday. Whee~ ^^ doubt it's a lot.. cause I keep getting off! Tomorrow I'm getting myself leave and certainly it's gonna to be last. Don't wanna take off unknowingly what I'm suppose to do tomorrow and without valid reason.. This job is tiring however this is job which I enjoyed myself the most. At times, when I'm sleepy I don't really like to joke around so pardon my attitude ><'' but when it's time to be serious, please ahh.. Next Saturday is my grandmother's birthday so won't be going church. Needa go somewhere for FAMILY reunion. All relatives will be there. Define what's FAMILY mean to you? Well, family mean to me is simply is shit. No such word in my dictionary. Real family will discriminate what's your background and studies etc? Giving sarcastic remarks? I'm DREADED to go frankly speaking.. I just giving way and for the sake of my grandmother. I have to admit my studies not good, well what's the big deal? You meant studying in RI will definitely have bright future? You people are emphasizing how smart are you guys uh? Well, in academic crisis I'm sure in real society, you might not always be the winning party. Other people might be slow in academic but probably their talents lye somewhere you're working at? Who knows. In fact, mouth are yours. Respect me and I'll show my venerance too. No lifer. ==''

living in rustle and bustle daily,
yearning to escape from rigmarole routine..
Fatigue and sick!

11:39:00 PM

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Hey yo all!~ Didn't update for ages le.. Kinda busy though.. Hmm, well I shall post my schedule up next.
Have to wake up daily at 5am to wash up etc and ready for work.. Recently have been dozing off easily._. Probably I'm too tired le ba. Didn't had sufficient 8 hours of sleep ); sigh, persevering for my most enjoyable shopping spree~ ^^ The day before yesterday, I was dismissed at 3pm after work due to my upset tummy. Decided to went home and take a rest.. Took a shuttle bus at my workplace to Tampines Interchange. Dozed off and miss my destination ~__~ I woke up, realised there's no commuters in the bus le x.x! Approach the bus driver to drop me at a bus stop.. Glad that there's a bus that goes to somewhere near my house. Broad up on bus service no. 21 back home. Manage to stay up for awhile however I still doze off T__T sigh, woke up with my heavy lid.. Realised I was at Desker Road! What the !@#$%^? Kao so unlucky); Pissed off and took cab home.. Reached home at 6pm eventually.. End work at 3pm and reach home at 6pm whoa~ Stupid me =='' Felt rather tedious..

Lastly, best of luck to those taking O's!

To dearest YL, Jiayous and strive it hard no matter how difficult it was. Don't ponder about what was the outcome about and just move on to next coming papers. I'll be rooting for you here and do what I can, to encourage you. Be confident in yourself like what you said to me before! You said you want me to have confidence only then you'll feel sense of secure in me remember? (; Urge yourself to study on your schedule if there is. Plan time wisely, don't want you to regret after O's ); Not gonna pressurize you but don't get yourself too slack nor too stress alright. Be moderate that's enough ^^ I'm certain you can make it through, determinations is required too. Gambatehh~

This week schedule 26 Oct ~31 Oct :
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday 7am~7pm (work)
Tuesday 7am~7pm (work)
Wednesday 7am~7pm (work)
Thursday 7am~7pm (work) 7.30pm~10pm (care group)
Friday 7am~7pm (work)
Saturday 7am~3pm (work) 5.45pm~10pm (church)
Sunday 7am~7pm (work)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Will update if any changes* (; Seeya peers!

7:10:00 PM

Sunday, October 18, 2009

專屬天使 / Tank

我不會怪妳　對我的偽裝　
天使在人間是該藏好翅膀
人們愚蠢魯莽　而妳纖細善良　
怎能讓妳為了我被碰傷
小小的手掌　厚厚的溫暖　
妳總能平復我不安的夜晚
不敢想的夢想　透過妳的眼光　
我才看見它原來在前方
沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁　
妳是我的專屬天使　唯我能獨佔
沒有誰能取代妳在我心上　
擁有一個專屬天使　
我哪裡還需要別的願望
小小的手掌　大大的力量　
我一定也會像妳一樣飛翔
妳想去的地方　就是我的方向　
有我保護笑容儘管燦爛
沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁　
妳是我的專屬天使　唯我能獨佔
沒有誰能取代妳在我心上　
擁有一個專屬天使　我哪裡還需要別的願望
要不是妳出現　我一定還在沉睡　
oh～絕望的以為　生命只有黑夜
沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁　
妳是我的專屬天使　唯我能獨佔
沒有誰能取代妳在我心上　
擁有一個專屬天使　
我哪裡還需要別的願望

Though this song is quite outdated but it still remains a kind of warmness in me. x3
Don't know what's wrong with me nowadays hmm,

didn't know how to illustrate it out anymore..
It's gonna be inexplicable in a sense ba.

Dexter are strong! ^^ Probably not physically strong,

emotional that feign on are more essential to me..

10:47:00 PM

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Workaholic!

This is the first day I've participated in image ministry. Felt so excited and was looking forward to serve in there. Known quite a number of people so far. I'm newbie so pardon me if you think I have made a mess out of your hair. Comment are welcomed! I'm more than willing to take advise and I'm sure I will do better next time round. The service was fantastic to me. During sermon, I dozed off halfway.. Tried my best to keep myself awake. Probably I had not enough rest. Recently I doze off easily ~__~ After service, went for dinner with my fellow mates. I was feeling isolated. Hmmm nothing happen actually but just maybe there's lotsa visitors around so they have to entertain them. I was convincing myself to understand them.. Well, forget about it. Glad to see a handful of visitors coming to our service. Though some didn't convert, I believe God will touch them one day! God is alive! Sat behind dining with Peretz, Daniel as well as Jeremy. Something really troubling my heart and mind this week. Shattered with tears during Praise and Worship. Cried in repentance. There is something that is uncertain about. Whenever I think of it, it really makes me feel lugubrious. Aww, that's gonna be girlish however I'm fragile in such thing now.. Daniel suddenly pop out a question asking me whether am I having trouble, why my face looks so sad. I was like ehh ya, ehh no no.. Didn't wanna share cause I really afraid if I said till halfway and just cry. Hmm~ well, I just share to Jeremy about it. Didn't wish to tell anyone about it though. Shared to him about something which is important to me and it's done against my will.. I felt scammed and feeling rather uncomfortable.. Eventually my tears just rolled down, sigh.. Really regret ); He shared his secret too. Whoa~ usually I didn't get to talk much with Jeremy till today. Kinda feel strong after his piece of advise. Trying to be optimistic.. And a way to avoid from reality is work! Haha, probably that's for time-being ba. God says "He do not want us to run away from problems but to face the problems." Guess it gonna be unavoidable ba. God I need you now.. Give me your presence and your sense of independence );

Lastly, felicitations to Xin Mei on choosing the right choice to water baptise! Great to hear that you're baptising ^^ Happy One year old on advance in God's child! I apologise that I couldn't manage to join you tomorrow for the ceremony due to my work.. Hope you enjoy yourself ya. Stay fruitful in Jesus and shine under His name. Continue to walk devotedly in your smooth spiritual life! Once again, happy one year old (;

Tomorrow gonna work from 7am~7pm daily till my off day which falls on every Saturday..Cover me down my hormie~ (;

In my heart, there's something that is irreplaceable..

Sometimes I felt tired in living such torturing life..

Not literally physical tired but emotional tired..

Yearning to go back to past,

however that's definitely unrealizable.

Learnt a lesson now..

10:43:00 PM

Friday, October 16, 2009

Somehow I just hate myself now.. Stupid me shouldn't have giving it and I know that it's against my will.. Mind running wild not sure why.. Keep thinking what can I do, sigh. Feel like crying sometimes and people just MIA like that? Why can't people cherish what he/she has now.. T___________T Felt so uncomfortable.. Not in good mood I'm sorry.. Working is the only antidote to clear my mind now..

No point swearing and cursing at you,
You changed after somehow..
You said it in your mouth and I just agreed unconsciously,
Is that what you want for now? sigh,
In my eyes, you're worst than a jerk..
Still christian some more, is that integrity of purity?
I know I'm at fault too however you just.. haiss..
Seriously I really really wanna wanna .... arghhhh! T_T

1:19:00 PM

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

WORKING LE (;

7am~7pm daily, so won't be online that often le. One day off per week.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This week schedule :

Wednesday 7am~7pm (working),
Thursday 7am~7pm (working), 7pm~10pm (image ministry),
Friday 7am~2pm (school last day), 5~10pm (night safari),
Saturday 1pm~5pm (image ministry), 5pm~10pm (church),
Sunday 7am~7pm (working)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next week 18 Oct - 24 Oct

Monday 7am~7pm (working),
Tuesday 7am~7pm (working),
Wednesday 7am~7pm (working),
Thursday 7am~7pm (working), 7pm~10pm (care group),
Friday 7am~7pm (working),
Saturday 5pm~10pm (church),
Sunday 7am~7pm (working).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Will update if any changes. (;

5:06:00 PM

Monday, October 12, 2009

You wanna know why I chose to broke off? Seriously I not sure whether the problem lyes on me or you.. Initially I said that I needa concentrate while I'm in school and when I'm studying. The reason is I couldn't absorb well when there's interruption obstruct. It's just a merely short period of perservere only.. Just a week plus or so? I said I will be back after my N's as promise, right after Thursday's night which is my last paper of N's. I went in 7-11 store to buy IDD caller card. I felt uber exhilarate. Text you that I will be calling you tonight and the reply was "no sorry, I'm tired".. Don't you think I had tried to get back to how we were used to be last time? After I came to realised you've already changed, that's really broke my heart. I was confused in dilemma of whether I should continue this relationship.. I tried asking you to go school and you said you're tired, lazy and boring etc.. If you would have listen to me and sleep early, rest assured you won't be tired after the sufficient 8hours of rest. Whenever I ask you to sleep cause it's late already but somehow you just rejected me. Thats the first time that I wanna talk to you and you said you wanna sleep. Is it true that you're tired or you just don't wanna talk to me? Not sure though, it's rather depressing. You know yourself, did you hide anything from me? What's our promise initially? What have you agreed?

- Must let each party know if they find each party is irritating
- Must let each party know if he/she being controlled tightly
- Must live till the end of your life if we ever broke up..
- Must trust each party being of no skeptical towards each other
- Must sms once AT LEAST a day
- Must be honest towards each party
~ Stay sweet..

Remember? sigh, ya you were asking why you're always the one to text me.. Do you realised that recently I'm the one who took the initiative to text you? You said last time when you woke up, you will definitely receive my sms.. You meant now don't have? Your whole life is upside down le. Woke up at the noon? Sleep at 4~6am? Even your mood turns moody too. Is it because we didn't contact that often and turns you to be like that? I thought real love is worthy to wait no matter how long? And it's just a week plus only, very long mah? Need to stay so close then can last? Doubt so.. True love counts by fate, counts by wholeheartly, counts by trust. Seems like there's lotsa things that are hidden deep inside your heart. I just wanna wait for your sms today and that's it. Hoping you to text me to see whether you still remember me or not. However you just replied as if it's just totally my fault. Well, if in that case.. I'm speechless. Yes, girls' thoughts and view is forever right and guys' thoughts and view is forever wrong.... Always guys must understand girls? Why not opposite? Sexist? How can I trust you when I know that you had broke so many times of my trust wall towards you? How can I trust you when I know so many things behind you? Don't wanna make me worry? If you don't say, seriously it makes me feel more useless and untrustworthy.. What am I to you.. Where are you when I'm down? Where are you when I need someone to concern me? Not sure whether sometimes those msn's private messages is it related about me.. aiya forget it la. Say so much also no use le. Give you one sentence. -> Make your decision wisely.

2:05:00 AM

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Went church today, didn't really enjoy today's service. Kinda tired.. Wanted to celebrate Xin Mei's birthday but my mood was totally down. I'm sorry Xin Mei, hope you enjoy today (; Feeling tedious.. I find the service a little bored today ~__~ Not sure why, probably I'm tired ba. sigh, forget it. Didn't wish to mention it anymore..

Secondly, wanna to let some Christian out there know that so what if people behaves just a little of girlish? It's not about me despite must you people criticize him? Left him behind and makes you guys feel happier? I thought as a Christian, we should be more caring instead of making him feel isolated? You guys name yourselves as Christian? Don't take advantage to bully people who didn't met your expectations. He just being who he is, no point discriminating him.. Seriously I couldn't stand how people treats him. Not happy with him? Feeling discordant about his characteristic? Neither he will be happy with you too. He do share how he feel please, don't you guys understand his feeling? He's trying hard to forgive and forget, must he carrying those sarcasm of yours? Nah he don't! He don't owe you people anything la hor. Wanted to ask him to my church but he live way too far. Is he really that detestable? Doubt so, bet you're more hateful to behave such childish act. Same applied to his classmates, so what if he only interact with girls? Your problem? Anything concerns you? Get your mindset right before you give any sadistic remarks. Have some venerance towards others please ~__~

Thirdly, I don't believe in predicament however now I was sorely disoriented.. I've been dubious and assume that it will be fine after all. Seems like I would never gain your trust anymore. What makes you feel that I'm so untrustworthy? What's our promise initially? All forgotten le? Well, I wanted to talk to you about it last night however you chose to sleep than this important conversation. Perhaps it's no longer that important to you le uh. Anyway if that's what you want, I can't endure it anymore. It's difficult to understand you.. For just a moment only need to be like that? Whoa~ tremendous change uh. sigh, hope this message finds you well.

9:51:00 PM

Friday, October 9, 2009

Woots finally my N's is over! ^^ Had a hard time striving through, doubt I would get good results so.. didn't expect much. Initially I have been craving to graduate from my Secondary school as soon as possible so that I don't have to face books and teachers for time being however now.. seriously I don't bear to leave school especially my buddies. Though at times they're quite doing over limit to certain extent, but deep down in my heart. All those hatred have already been forgiven. Right now recollecting about nostalgic in the school life. Time really flies. There's laughter, sadness and rants among us, gladly to have them in my life. Though I might not expressing out but they're really awesome. Feeling enthusiastic and refresh! Monday, I'm gonna look for job with my buddies. Doubt there's vacancy as what I've expected so.. ~__~ roughly plot my holiday's schedule, if there's no job available then I shall practise my guitar and piano for prolly a month plus. After that needa continue to search for job. Need some income.. Recently I'm in tight budget mode. Saving money for my craving ^^ Hmm~ Now wanna urge myself to spend time with God, didn't been doing quiet time for ages le.. I shall repent ); Wanna grow more in spiritual life.. God anoint me D; Tomorrow gonna go church le.. not sure what to wear again ~__~ sigh, oh ya! Hey my peers, anyone free on 17 October which is next Saturday? My church is having interesting event! ^^ Interested to join me? Tag me to let me know. (; If you guys having skeptical uncertain about Christian, I hope I can elaborate more.. Definitely NOT TRYING to pull people to accept in Christ. Don't have to worry.. As a Christian, we can't pull people who are unwilling to accept God.. Just feel free and comfortable at your pace. ^^ Hope to see you there~ Lastly, I'm looking forward to serve in Image Ministry in church! Doing things with my passion is what I've always longing for.. Gonna meet Ace tomorrow noon before service. Not sure whether should I voice out my opinion however I absolutely sure that she's a good listener. Forget it, not gonna think much now. Let it goes with God's plan. Well, I'm tired.. Been hanging out since morning till late night. Perhaps I'm typing unconsciously x.x I shall get going now. Needa bathe etc.. Nights my peers^^

11:25:00 PM

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Don't waste life in doubts and fears.

-Emerson

sigh, seriously I had tried my best le..

I have been inhibiting my fears and doubts, kept telling myself that I definitely I will make it through. Just awhile more to persevere. These few days, my mood was really somber.. Not sure whether the papers is extraordinary challenging this year or I'm too stupid. Lotsa teachers said this year 'N' level is quite difficult compared to past years. Are they trying to comfort us or is it the fact? sigh, Trying hard not to affect my other subjects and just move on however I failed. At this plight of time really make me feel demoralise, imma failure.. Couldn't help thinking and thinking and thinking.. Really speechless.. HAISSSS... it's intricate and inexplicable, struggling with my emotions.. T~~~~~~~~~~~~~T

Wanna tell her that, sometimes I think guy do need some lessons to wake up from reality. No point helping and helping him.. At the end of the day, you're the one who gain not him seriously. It's ain't just knowledge, it's merely a "responsibility". Sorry I felt reluctant to say it in front of you. Remember he's a guy. Sigh, whenever you pick up a topic about him. I won't be talking ba. It's in vain I guess so, I would rather keep quiet than spoiling our friendship. Really hope to speak to him face to face but is it necessary? Will he take my advise? Not sure ~__~ He's already 19 years old now.. Should manage time wisely.. Maybe there's a reason behind that they don't wanna tell you that he's coming for the r.s meeting. Not sure though, ultimately I think you should calm down and listen to their advise instead. Identify what you should do at this age of time. You're my bestie, don't wish to see you carrying burdens of his. You like him I can understand.. However he should learn to be responsible for his life ah. Don't think that you are pulling him down from being leader.. You ain't! Probably he's not trustworthy to me ba. Let him be independent.. Like what some parents used to do to their kids. They spoilt them and in the end? Eventually the kids are the one who struggle from hardship. Doubt you want this to happen to him am I right? Let him took up his own decision and trust me he will be happier if he decided on things which came out to be unexpected.

自己的心血才是值得拥有的!

5:40:00 PM

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Squirrel? O.O!

Edited*

Hey wanna play indirect shooting uh? Oh well, come'on.. You said we're childish. Yes we're childish, so how about you? You meant you're mentally mature? At this point of time, people are busy studying for their upcoming examinations. And there you are busy playing games? Whoa~ marvellous uh! You said you feel bad when people disturb you. However do you make a least of effort to prove them anything? Harr!.. Vent your anger out uh? O.O! Touches my chest* Hmmm~ heart is pumping uber fast worr~ ); sigh, Hey if you wanna pin point people out, point those who ever said once only IF you dare. Who you think you are? Please, don't take teacher as your 'back-up' backbone. Am I criticising you? Let me think... hmmm~ AH-HAR! lights up* Orh I know le. At times, we do emphasize you to study and work hard etc.. Do you appreciate it? Doubt so, you just continue with your callous attitude. So you meant you're smart enough to learn new knowledge uh? Why do we even bother to ask you to study? Wanna compare results with you? Nah, our results ain't that good neither. Not expecting you to study the whole day, just be moderate can't you? Guess you're old enough to manage your time wisely. No one is stupid please, just the matter of laziness. Playing basketball and games with them but did you really concern about your future and results currently? They still playing around, ya of course but provided they urged themselves to study. How about you? Stack your pillow high up and reflect. To be precise, we're just left with one more day of lessons to buck up on. Well, I'm speechless. Probably this message won't wake you up now but one day you may know what's the definition I'm trying to imply now. ~___~ By the way! I hate your acute eyesight! >.> If you don't want people spout things about your blog, why not you make it private? I think it may cause you a better life. I thought blogs are meant for people to view o.o? Feeling discordant? Delete account then ;DD Win win solution~ Whee! Seriously no point discriminating people with hopeless thoughts. Hey 'mature' kid, it's time to analyse your entire lifestyle.

Work hard my peers! ^^

5:17:00 PM

Respect me and I'll respect you =]